IVF or bust??

After a Choice Mom-in-the-making wrote to the discussion board about her fifth unsuccessful attempt at IUI, and her inability to pay for the more expensive IVF cycle, women chimed in with supportive words and resources, which we are collecting for the ChoiceMoms.org website.

Here was one strong post of encouragement, reprinted here by permission:

I am so sorry that you are having to see a stupid BFN!!! I hope you will be comforted a little by knowing that you are not alone. Be gentle to yourself, cry all you want, scream if you have to, chuck a sickie at work, and feel free to gorge yourself on chocolate or have a nice big BFNtini.

As far as IVF goes, don't give up hope. If my IUIs don't work (I get six tries with insurance) then I will be in the same boat as you and I've been looking into ways to make it cheaper.

Here are a few suggestions. While not simple or fast answers, they might help you find a way to reduce the cost.

1. Check out the Fertile Dreams website. They give out an annual grant for folks who could otherwise not afford IVF. There are a few other groups like this out there, and many of them seem very couple-focused, but Fertile Dreams is one I contacted and they were really cool about me being single. If your story is compelling and you show that you can provide a great home, you may well be a contender.

2. Look into international IVF. There are several countries that offer IVF for near 1/3 the cost of what it is in the U.S. Shop around and check with folks about the reputation of each place.

3. How about a fundraiser? I know several people who did adoption fundraisers. Why not an IVF fundraiser? If you have a strong community of supporters (church, clubs, family, friends) and rally them to your cause, you could do one of those candy sales or a car wash or rummage sale and make a few thousand that way. There are some organizations out there for this sort of thing too, that help you by providing a non-profit type status so that people who donate to the fundraiser can also get a tax deduction for it.

4. Depending on your age, some IVF clinics will reduce the cost of IVF if you agree to be an egg donor for another couple. Also, I know several people who "haggled" with their IVF clinic and shopped around. These clinics are making profit on their treatments and there is certainly room for them to bring their prices down. I'm a HORRIBLE haggler so this doesn't appeal, but my brother is a haggling genius (I call it the Jedi Mind Trick) so if it ever comes to IVF for me, I'm going to have him haggle for me.

5. Consider doing another IUI with more aggressive fertility meds. When we are older, a lot of the eggos can't get us preggo. If you are willing to agree to a selective reduction, some docs might allow you to do an IUI with greater stimulation.

Editor's note: Choice Mom friend Reproductive Science Center of the Bay Area is one place that is offering a 25 percent discount in 2009 to celebrate its 25th anniversary.