Hi, I’m Beth. I'm 30 (and racing toward 31), Caucasian, and somewhat overweight. I am close to most of my big, boisterous family. My mom raised me and my three siblings on her own for much of my life. I live with my sister and nephew, and our two cats. I have a BA in Political Science, an MA in Liberal Studies: Leadership, and I'm working on an AS in Graphic Design. I work full-time as an academic advisor and administrator at the local public university (with 53K students and counting), and I freelance for fun as a graphic designer. I attend a Unitarian Universalist Congregation, and enjoy reading and bike riding in my free time. I live in Florida, but hope to live someplace with seasons later in life. I’m actively trying to become a Choice Mom, here’s my story:
The closer I came to 30, the further I fell into a funk. I like men, I date them, but I haven't found one that I wanted to be with forever and always, and that's what I want out of marriage.
I'm not all that bothered by being single. I like my independence and don't miss the companionship as much as many of my girlfriends do. That's not to say that I don't wish the perfect guy had fallen into my lap and swept me off my overly realistic feet. To be honest, I'm not a romantic, and I'm not even sure I know exactly what it would take to be ready to spend one's life with another person. HOWEVER, I have always known that I wanted to be a mother, hence the deepening funk.
So, I looked around at my little world, and then at the bigger world beyond it, and realized that there are many paths to my goal, despite the cultural story I grew up with.
My aha moment happened one weekend while I was watching TLC just for a ‘good cry.’ I was sad because apparently the condom didn't break and I wasn't pregnant, just another of my famously late periods. I was watching an episode of 'A Baby Story.' (You may have seen it, girl decides to go it on her own, but magically a guy appears in her life and agrees to be the donor and then they get married and live happily ever after?)
Well, setting aside the happily ever after part, I decided that she'd had a fantastic idea! So once I got over the initial shock of 'What will people think?’ I started doing my research.
After this epiphany I made some appointments with my OB, and got on the waiting list for the fertility clinic nearest my home. I intended to get the information and hold onto it for a few years while I saved up a college fund and bought a home, but I didn't get great news. I didn't get awful news, but it was a little surprising to be having problems at 30. After all 40 is the new 30, right?
I was diagnosed with PCOS and borderline insulin resistance. I realize that it could be exactly the same situation in 5 years, or even 10, but it could also progress and make pregnancy very hard to accomplish. So I decided that 'why not now?' was the attitude I needed. And what I found out when I asked, "Why not now?" was that what I really wanted more than anything else right now was to start my journey to motherhood. I have a masters degree, and a stable job, and enough money, and savings, and a good home, and loving family... now is actually a great time.
Fast forward to today. We've learned that I ovulate ever so slowly, but at least I still do. Clomid doesn't work so well, so I am doing stim injections to speed things up a bit and to increase my odds. I will have my third IUI on Thursday, and as always I’m so hopeful and excited.
I'm also open to adoption if this path doesn't lead to pregnancy. I had a child when I was 15, young, stupid, and looking for attention. I entrusted his upbringing to two amazing wonderful people who have given him much more than I could have... so yeah, I'd be happy to be that loving parent for another child. But, I’d really like to experience a happy, welcome pregnancy, and there is just something that seems so unfair about the idea that I might not be able to have children now that I'm ready. There have been bumps in the road, but I believe in my heart I'll get there.
So that's my story.
What's yours?
Heading into 40
8 years ago
3 comments:
Whoa this sounds like to could have been written by me for the most part! I've never been very interested in romance so I've never really tried to find it. However, I have always wanted to be a mother. In a distant sort of way, I've always kind of planned to go the single mother route and - since I've always been proactive - I started researching my options at the age of 18.
I began to get more serious around the time I turned 25, after hurricanes Katrina and Rita tore up my neck of the woods and flooded my house.
My 'aha' moment didn't happen till recently, three years later when the tag team of Gustav and Ike flooded my house for the second time. I realized that the universe really doesn't care about your plans and I had run out of reasons not to go for it.
So, I'm moving on from 'thinking' to 'trying' at 28 years old ^_~ Though, I'll be 29 for my first IUI.
It's been a long journey already but I sense it'll be longer still. Good luck to you and I hope your endeavors bear fruit soon ^_^
Hello all!
I have been surfing around the net looking for forums and very happy to have found this one for choice moms!
I am starting to look into the process of IUI for myself. I am currently 35 years old and have not found that love of my love yet and am not willing to wait and just hope that it will happen, I am going to make it happen for myself. I have wanted children since I was 12 years old and so its really now or never. I am hoping to have my first attempt around February or March 2010 which would put me at 36 years old. I realize that there are many people out there that don't support the idea of doing this as a single parent and each to their own opinion. I have been planning and will continue to plan ahead, I have my own home, a wonderful well paying job that includes benefits, maternity leave and so on. I know that its not going to be easy but I know that I can do this!
I am curious if there are any other single females out there going through the process or thinking of going through it? I will be trying to get my doctors referral this week for the Artus Clinic in Saskatoon, SK and I am hoping to be able to get in for Feb/March although they tell me if could take up to 8months.
Hello All, Just wanted to let you know about a blog that I started:
Singlegirl to Singlemom
http://singlegirltosinglemom.blogspot.com/
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