Dating and trying to conceive

Jessica, 34, reported that after three failed insemination attempts she was also finding herself back on the dating scene. And enjoying it. With a few decent men on the horizon, she wasn't sure if/when, it was time to say "I'm also trying to conceive a baby." She wondered if she should take a break from trying while she dates -- but her doctor says she doesn't have much time left for fertility, with numbers as if she was a woman in her 40s. "It just feels so difficult and unfair to have to be in this position sometimes. I hate the fact that at 34 I am finding my fertility declining so much. If anyone has been in the same position or tried dating while trying to conceive, I would be interested in hearing your stories and how they ended up."

As Joni replied:
I dated a man a couple of years ago. Things didn't work out between us, but in the past few months he called me up and we went out a few more times. He was serious about me and about being in a relationship. I'm 39 and even though my doctor is not worried that I won't get pregnant, I am. In any event, after our 3rd date (the second time around) last week, I told him what I was doing, and that I didn't want to put things on hold with TTC because of my age. I felt like I was being unfair and not completely honest by dating him while trying to get pregnant. I think he needed a drink after I told him. But he understood completely and at the end of it we agreed to stay friends. But we won't be moving forward with the relationship. I just don't want to risk my fertility that maybe he would work out. And he doesn't want to date a woman who is trying to get pregnant without him - can't say I blame him. And neither of us are ready to have a child together. And, ultimately, I want to have a child. The relationship, for me, can wait. The baby cannot.

A new Choice Mom responded:
I decided to defer dating when I was trying. It just made me question my decision and wonder if maybe a relationship would work out. So I stopped. It took a year to get pregnant with my daughter. Now that she is here I can say I really don't miss dating at all. I am not sure I could fit it in. Maybe later when my daughter is bigger. I think what I really wanted from the dating was a relationship leading to a child. Now that I have her the other parts don't seem so important.


Another Choice Mom replied:
While I agree I don't miss dating (who does?), I am still very lonely. My son keeps me busy, but he doesn't take the place of a grown-up relationship. My child fills the need to have a child. I'm still a bit angry and sad that I don't have something for me in this, and with a baby, it's most likely going to be a long time, if ever, that I get there. So if you're dating to find a daddy, you probably won't miss it. But if you're dating to find a mate, that probably won't go away.